My new front door and Flashbacks
by musicnotes-goldeneyes
Summary: Ever wondered what would happen if Esme final lost her cool with Edward and Emmett after they broke something in her house again. Well no need to ponder any longer. With a flashback of a dare that ended badly for Esme, Carlisle and their "children".


**So this is my first Twilight story " I do not own twilight- yeah yeah rub it in Stephanie "**

**Please Review, but if you are going to say how "un-funny" it is or how "un-realistic" I have got news for you buddy Thank you for you feedback now P*ss Off  
If you finf this funny then that's great if you don't then don't kill me through you reviews I like living ^^  
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So there I was let again repainted my new front door. I had just replaced it because my "dear" son had just broken down the 300th one earlier this morning. And no normal house wouldn't not have a front door.

"Hello dear" My beloved Carlisle said "what are you doing today? "

"I know you're not the most observant husband but I'm sure you can see that I'm painting our front door". I rolled my eyes at him, honestly he might be drop dead gorgeous (ha get it) and a fantastic surgeon but as a husband in lack of better words he could a bit lame. Don't get me wrong he's wonderful but not very observant in every way you can imagine.

A little later after four I had finally finished putting the finishing touches on the door, I had walked in to my DIY space in the back of garage and put away my equipment when I heard laughter.  
Ah, my kids are home, I still remember when Carlisle and I were dared into pretending to be children ourselves. It didn't end very well.

*Flashback*

"COME ON ESME YOU'RE MAKING US ALL LATE!!!!" Alice screamed yes screamed from the living room.

"Mary Alice Cullen, if you think that I will wear this out in public then you have got another thing coming! " "Esme, honey, I look worse may I remind you I had Edward and Jasper dress me not to mention Emmett who did my hair "

I took one final look in the mirror and tried to pull the skirt lower but failed miserably and walked down the stairs my back against the wall in my black tank top, with bright PINK bra straps showing, a black laced tutu like skirt and brown platform shoes. My hair didn't look that bad though it's was styled to look layered but was pin straight with just enough bounce and it had green extensions. In a way I looked a bit emu is that what they called it? My topaz eyes had black eyeliner liquid on top and pencil on the bottom with three different types of mascara, one to thicken, one to give me a 360° look whatever that is for, and one intense black, but I had cheetah prints on my eyes!! The eye shadow Rosalie used was gold to begin with then she put a light yellow on the other half of my eye and with a thick eyeliner tip she did little C's and O's.

Luckily I had found some leggings as Alice called them in a draw and slipped then on under the skirt.  
But as soon as I saw Carlisle I couldn't help it I fell onto the step I had stopped at and started to laugh, my once clean and perfected Carlisle had gone full Biker / Rockstar. He had also got extensions put in his hair but it wasn't for color it was for length and layers, he had fake snakebites and a ring in his eyebrow, thanks to Edward who usually wore them. Yes Edward had his phases and he listen to a lot of hard metal, he was always dressed in leather and black I once saw him steal Alice's eyeliner; let's just say he had a very long chat with Carlisle that evening. Carlisle was also wearing black leather slim pants with combat boots and a grey t-shirt with Gibson guitars on it. Obviously my lovely children had made us a rock couple.

When we got to the school, it became worse we arrived there and every student turned and stared at us. It was plain to see that this school had no Emus or Biker / Rock students and to make matters worse they were all in uniform. "What did Jasper say the name of this school was again? " "He didn't." That's when we turned around and read the sign, Saint Joseph's private institute of classical music. The day of cause did not get any better. When we got home I'll just say that my children had a lot of fun visiting people across the world explaining why they had a piece of their body with a tag attached on it with a number to call in their letter box.

*End of Flashback *

I still heard laughing so I walked out to open the door and say hello when

"MY DOOR!!!!!! EDWARD WHY CAN'T YOU JUST OPEN IT AND WALK THROUGH THE DOOR WHEN IT'S OPEN AND NOT IN YOUR WAY. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BREAK DOWN MY DOORS WHY AND DON'T YOU START LAUGHING EMMETT YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BREAK MY WALLS HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I RE-PLASETERED THESE WALLS HUH??? I'LL TELL YOU 500 AND I HAVE HAD ENOUGH YOU TWO WILL RESPECT THESE WALLS AND MY DOORS DO YOU UNDERSTAND AND DAMN IT IF YOU DON'T YOU WILL HAVE TO LIVE WITH OUT DOORS AND WALLS AND-  
JASPER MY WINDOW WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST USED THE FRONT DOOR IT'S NOT EVEN THERE NOW W-" I was screaming my lungs off I hadn't even breathed once not that I needed too, my voice was changing as well going higher than I thought possible.

"Sorry Esme there was a pile up and the front door and I needed to calm you down Alice said that-"My hands were had formed into tight little fist and I was shaking my fists at them and pointing a dissaponted finger at them as well.

"CALM DOWN, I'M PERFECTLY CALM CAN'T YOU SEE I'M SIMPLY CONTENTE THAT YOU JUST BROKE ANOTHER WINDOW AND MY DOOR AND DAMN IT ALICE STOP SCRACHING MY FLOORBOARDS WITH YOUR HIGH HEELS" I had now got down on my hands and kneels to examen the damage and then shot right back up again. "WHY DO YOU WEAR THEM YOU ARE STILL AS SHORT WITH OUR WITHOUT THEM. THAT'S IT SAY GOODBYE TO HIGH HEELS IN THIS HOUSE AND DOORS AND WINDOWS AND WALLS SCREW IT SAY GOODBYE TO OUR HOUSES WE WILL LIVE UNDER TREES AND LIVE IN CAVES. GOD DAMN IT ALICE, ROSALIE GO CHANGE YOUR SHOES AND Oh hello Bella I didn't see you there!" Just then I heard tires screeching and Carlisle jumping up and down trying to get in and ended up just jumping through the now broken window.

"Esme dear, I need you to stop screaming I heard you from the hospital you're scaring the children" he added in a whisper embarrassed voice. To which he added "Children of you go don't mind your mother she's just having a breakdown, come now come let's go into my office and have a nice long chat".

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**Hope you liked it Please Review  
Kitty xox**


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